What type of perfectionist are you?

I’m a socially-prescribed perfectionist. Yep! I have a HUGE fear of failure and I’m terrified of embarrassment, shame, and guilt. This is why I’ve never understood writers who have told me, “Oh, my novel will be a bestseller and is so much better than those on the NYT Bestseller list!” Um…that’s so overconfident and bold. There’s just no way I could ever say that. I mean…wow…I’m way too critical of myself and nothing I ever do is as good as I think it should be. But I also fear success. I mean, if I succeeded, then that would mean pressure to ALWAYS succeed (at least in my mind). Basically, I’m neurotic as hell!

So much for not caring what others think, right? Still got lots to work on, it seems! Oh well…awareness is an important first step.

What Flavor of Perfectionist Are You? – Psychology Today

From the article:
“In contrast, socially prescribed perfectionists may be compared to neurotic perfectionists [a term originally coined by Hamachek] in that they do not derive pleasure from their labors and efforts and tend to view their work as inadequate or inferior. Furthermore, they report experiencing external pressure and or coercion to accomplish tasks. Therefore, the maladaptive symptoms of the socially prescribed perfectionist emerge not from an internally felt desire to be their best, but more from a fear of failure and/or a desire to avoid embarrassment, shame and guilt” (p. 154).

[Dream] Defending friends from hate and gossip

If I ever had a normal dream (whatever that is!), I’d be surprised. Then again, I’d probably be disappointed since I’m so used to strange, twisted, surreal dreams.

Last night I dreamed I was in a large building where church services and other events were held. More than one group or organization would meet there. In this case, I was there to learn how to conduct a special ritual or service for a LGBTQ organization. I was there as an ally, because in this dream (and in real life), I’m heterosexual. They gave me an impressive, white-feathered cape/robe to wear. It was heavy, but gorgeous. The feathers were small, not large, and there were countless ones all over over the cape/robe.

In another area of the building, a right-wing, evangelical church congregation was meeting. I found out through observation and overhearing things that they were saying awful, mean things about my friends in the LGBTQ organization. The churchgoers would smile a fake smile when they saw anybody from the group I was with, but then they’d immediately talk and gossip about them, making fun of who they were and saying snarky things about gays and homosexuality in general. They were haughty in their manner and acting like they were better than everyone else.

The thing that angered me the most was the two-faced behavior of the churchgoers. They would plaster on a fake smile, then drop the act and become vicious and mean when they went back to their area. In real life, as well as in my dreams, I can’t stand such duplicity. I cannot stand it even more when nobody will challenge it and call people out on their behavior.

When I got the chance, I went over to the area where the churchgoers were and I stepped out into the big room/area, startling them (because they were busy trashing my friends down the hallway in another room). Four of the church leaders/evangelicals were at the front of the room, and I walked up to them and pointed at all of them. Then I confronted them about their false, duplicitous behavior. They were so taken aback, they didn’t know what to say. Someone had heard and seen what they were doing, and they never expected to get caught.

After confronting the mean-spirited and homophobic congregation, I walked out of the room, leaving all of them speechless. Then I returned to my friends at the LGBTQ event, donned my white-feathered robe, and learned how to conduct the honorary ritual. It was a beautiful, uplifting ceremony and everyone was happy. I was nervous, but did okay.

After it was all over, there was much laughter and hugging, with plenty of conversation. I was glad that I had stood up for my friends and defended them against people who pretended to be good people and holier than thou, but who were actually mean-spirited, gossipy homophobes who gained pleasure from hurting others and saying awful things about other people.

A strange, interesting dream, but the end of it was terribly satisfying.

Who is John Kavorsky, and what is he doing in my dream?

John Kavorsky. I do not know anybody by that name, but I read his name in one of my dreams the other night. My old FB friends will know that I have a habit of seeing names, addresses, and random words in my dreams at times. I try to write them down or record them in some way just in case I need to refer back to them.

I also saw “Ft. Ord” spelled out on an old stone sign at my former university, Phillips University in Enid, OK. Why “Ft. Ord” would be written at the bottom of that sign is beyond me. Doesn’t make sense.

Then again, Trazodone-fueled dreams usually don’t make sense.

Get your read on (in more than one way!) at my Nocturnal Divination shop at Etsy ;-)

Putting up a new item or two in my shop this weekend.
Drop on by!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/NocturnalDivination

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Nocturnal Divination Magick & Miscellanea is an online shop offering a variety of items including books, tarot readings, astro charts, and more.

My name is Bev and I offer a variety of items through this shop—some digital, some physical (such as books and craft items). I am a career author and manuscript editor, as well as a long-time practitioner, devotee, and avid student of divination and metaphysics. I am the author of Sun Signs for Writers, as well as several other books.

For over 35 years I’ve given readings to family, friends, and acquaintances. I’ve also done readings at private parties. I was a preteen when I cast my first natal chart, and from that point I was hooked.

I’m adept at providing readings in astrology, tarot, cartography, color divination, runes, and various oracle/spirit cards. I also practice candle magick. If you have any questions about my products or services, please contact me and I’ll be glad to assist you. Thanks for visiting, and I look forward to providing you with interesting and personalized service.

​Bev

[Limited time offer] Enroll in my online professional writing/editing courses and get 10% off!

Nearing 100 likes on my FB page for Abraxas Professional Writing Courses.
If you haven’t liked my page, please stop by and do so at https://www.facebook.com/Abraxas.Writing.Courses

I’ve been teaching online courses since 1997 and many of my students have gone on to become freelance writers and published authors. I love to help people make their dreams come true ;-)

To show my appreciation, for a limited time I’m offering 10% off any of my courses. Just e-mail me at scribequill -at- gmail.com with WRITING COURSES in the subject line of the message. Let me know which featured online professional writing/editing course you’re interested in:

* Professional Freelance Writing – 4 weeks-$80 or $20 per week

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When you e-mail me, I’ll give you a special link to sign up and enroll in the course of your choosing at a 10% discount. You can begin right away! If you have questions, you can ask me those as well.

Thanks for your attention ;-)