Get off my porch!

The Witch Is In

WARNING — THIS IS LONG: You see this sign? We have this sign hanging on our front door. Not just during Halloween, but all year long. And, should you not have figured it out yet, I am a witch. A real one…the kind that marks the turning of The Wheel of the year and who casts spells. Mind you, I’m NOT Wiccan. I’m an eclectic witch who practices what I call Quantum Witchcraft. Now, having said that, let me share a story from earlier today.

Paul has Tuesdays off, so we usually sleep in, lounge around and treat it like a weekend day. We’re in bed, snoozing away (I’ve got my earbuds in and sleeping to the sounds of rain and thunder). Paul asks, “Was that the doorbell?” I mumble that I don’t know, but shuffle to the front door to check. A short, somewhat stocky older lady wearing an Arcade Amusements baseball cap with a fanny pack and a clipboard is on the doorstep.

“May I help you?” I ask her.

She says she’s here to ask if I’ll sign a petition to protect our gun rights and to “get that liar and cheat out of office.”

I’m not sure WHICH liar or cheat, but I shake my head, point past her toward the sidewalk and say, “No, you’re at the wrong place. Please leave.”

She stays on the porch because she’s spotted my sign on the door. “Is your name Samantha?” she asks. (I don’t get the “Bewitched” reference at first).

I reply, “Nope.” She begins to read the sign, which is hanging behind a wooden “Haunted House” sign.

She reads: “The witch is in and she’s…what does the rest say?” she asks me.

“It doesn’t matter. Can you please get off my porch?” I say this as calmly and as politely as I can (surprisingly).

“Oh, you don’t want to tell me?” she counters.

“It doesn’t matter; now can you please leave?” She gives me a crusty look and says, “Okay, well GOD BLESS YOU!” making sure to emphasize the last several words.

She turns and walks down the sidewalk and I VERY nearly opened the storm door and quipped, “Which god — Zeus?” but I didn’t. She ambles out the front gate and I stand at the door, making sure she closes the gate. She stands there for a minute outside our gate…and I watch her.

I don’t trust this woman.

She walks over to the end of our driveway and stands there for a minute. I keep standing at the door, watching her. She glances back and sees me still at the door, though I turn my gaze to the right and pretend to look at the traffic going down the main street. She acts like she’s walking to the neighbor’s house, then decides to cross the street and heads to the house directly across from us.

At this point, I decide I’m up for the day. I’m a bit rattled…and annoyed. I go back into the bedroom and tell Paul what happened.

He’s surprised I kept my cool. He says, “This home is our sanctuary and I’m tired of people invading it with their nonsense. It’s contaminating our space.”

So, our house is probably on a hit list for proselytizers and we’ll find religious tracts on our fence and stuck in our storm door.

Again, I’m annoyed by this. You’re on MY PORCH. I politely asked you to leave. Don’t stand there and fish with me, looking for information about my sign because it says “witch.” I am pagan and my husband is atheist. We have a right to our beliefs and we have a right to live in peace. You’re not being clever with your Samantha comment (although she was one of my idols when I was a young girl growing up).

You ask me why I get upset over religion being thrust down people’s throats? It’s this shit…this type of stuff RIGHT here. I guarantee you that NOBODY I know in the pagan community will EVER show up on your porch, preaching to you about any deity (and there are many, so pick one) or passively-aggressively judging you on your own porch when THEY weren’t even invited. They will also not stand on street corners, shouting the wonders of Odin. In fact, while Christians could do these things without fear of reprisal, I’m betting if a pagan did the same thing, he or she would have the police called on them and their asses would be charged with some type of misdemeanor.

You want to talk to me about persecution and prejudice? Try NOT being a Christian sometime. Even when you’re just trying to live your life, people decide to fuck with you because you are not the mainstream.

I got news for ALL of you folks: this is STILL America and we still have something called freedom of religion. If you don’t like it, too bad.

And a word of warning — stay OFF our porch and leave when you’re politely asked to do so…or next time I might have Paul stumble to the door with a fake goat’s head in his hands and a butcher knife in the other, looking like you’ve interrupted a sacrifice (which is stupid, since neither one of us has ever or would ever do that in the first place. It’s not what we believe; we love animals. Just another falsehood spread by those who don’t understand paganism AT ALL!)

Finally, if this post offends you, too bad. Don’t let the virtual door hit you in the ass on the way out.

I’m offended by what took place earlier this afternoon and am now concerned that we will be targeted for visits by overzealous religious right-wingers. This is OUR home and we should never feel uncomfortable in our OWN home.

I’m thankful that our friends who are Christians (the RIGHT type of Christians) accept us and feel no need to harass us over our personal belief systems — or lack thereof. THANK YOU for being a better example of what Jesus taught, as opposed to many other followers who are not.

If you want to get into a discussion with me about religion today, just…don’t.

Witches, vampires and daemons doing yoga together? Really?!

I’m reading A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. I’m enjoying the story and the writing, but when I got to the part about witches, vampires and daemons doing yoga together…well, I had a hard time getting past that.

Folks, can we remember that vampires and daemons are not supposed to be mundane beings doing mundane things? I long for the days when vampires and daemons were terrifying (and rightfully so). I want magick and mystery when it comes to supernatural beings, not banality and the commonplace.

I like the author’s writing and I will finish the book and begin the next one…but a yoga session with witches, vampires and daemons? I can’t go for that. As Paul said, “Let’s take something extraordinary and terrifying and make it mundane (insert sarcasm here).” Exactly. Just…let’s not, okay? Please?

You say “gummy,” I say “gummi”

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Don’t be hatin’ just ’cause I know how to pronounce Gummi (as in Gummi Bears) the original way—the way Germans and many other Europeans do. I lived there for three years. 😉 To wit: forvo.com/word/gummi/

Gummi translates as “rubber.” So no, I won’t pronounce it “gummy.” I will pronounce it as it should be pronounced (in my mind, anyway), which is “goo-me.”

Hidden Fire by Star Ferris

My book, Hidden Fire, is FREE through Monday at midnight. Go grab a copy now! This book was a finalist in the Mid-America Romance Authors Fiction from the Heartland Contest. It’s written under my pen name, Star Ferris. Originally published by Whiskey Creek Press in June 2009. Rated 4.75 out of 5 stars by Night Owl Romance Reviews. Go download your copy NOW at: tinyurl.com/cxwaeha

My book, Hidden Fire, is FREE through Monday

Truthful balance

Balance — it is elusive and I am seeking it in my life. Balance between work and play; balance between emotions and rationality; balance between happiness and sadness; balance between noise and quietude; balance between joy and anger; balance between stillness and movement; balance between knowing and not knowing; balance between speaking and remaining quiet (that’s a huge one for me — and difficult to master!). Balance in all its forms.

I am an amorphous lump of human clay, waiting to be formed into something better. The thing is, one can only do that for oneself — nobody else can do it for you. I am flawed, I am imperfect, I am damaged, I make mistakes. I ask forgiveness and patience for my shortcomings, for I am human and have bad times/days like everyone else. Despite those things, I can improve.

The tragedy is when you aren’t aware of your flaws and you do not care to try and improve yourself. I, for one, know my flaws and shortcomings and I DO want to improve. That is my charge if I am to become a better person. However, I must also remain true to myself. I am not like anyone else in this world or universe and neither do I want to be anyone else. I am my own spirit and my own essence. In the end, one must be true to oneself throughout the journey. Weigh the experiences and choose accordingly.