[Musings] Watching my mother slip away…one memory at a time

I am fortunate to have two mothers — my birth mother, Fay, and my adopted mom, Shirley (or my MOM mom, as I call her, since she raised me). They are both the same age, but one has Alzheimer’s. It’s been difficult and heartbreaking to deal with my mom Shirley’s dementia. Even more heartbreaking since I’m far away and cannot visit her in person, mainly due to finances.

Talking over the phone is challenging because I never know what she will say, what she will remember, what she won’t remember, or anything else. She still remembers who I am, thank goodness. But someday, she may not. I’ve cried countless tears after phone conversations with my mom. I want to put things back the way they used to be, when she remembered.

She doesn’t remember my first husband’s death and keeps asking where he is and why we aren’t married anymore; I simply told her it didn’t work out. I’m not going to tell her he died (and from what I’ve read, you’re advised not to do so). She doesn’t remember meeting Paul and wonders when she’ll get to meet him. The other day she thought Britt was still a little girl. She never remembers what I do for a living, or that I’ve been working from home for over 16 years. Conversations are hard and tug at the heartstrings.

I love my mom, but watching her go through this is agonizing. She just turned 79 years old a couple days ago. I never know when it will be the last time I get to speak to her…so I cherish every conversation we have, regardless of how trying and sad it may be. 😦

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[Quote] Oh, Harlan Ellison :-)

“I hate when a director says to me ‘Here’s how I envision this scene’…excuse me? It’s right here in the script—I ‘envisioned’ it FOR you. Do what I wrote. If you want to ‘envision’, you should become a writer. Where the fuck were you when the page was blank?”
―Harlan Ellison

[Dream of July 29, 2013] A steep road, impish statues and lush greenery

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A path to an interesting future?

Last night I had a cool dream where I was in a car with some people (I don’t remember who) and we were traveling up a steep, one-lane road that wound around and had sharp curves. It was precarious, but still beautiful because both sides of the road were lush with greenery and featured all sorts of beautiful plants. Within the plants and greenery that dotted the side of the steep road, there were countless statues and parts of statues of all types. Some were peeking out, some were posed, some looked like they were intentionally placed there for artistic effect. The lush, deep green plants and trees/bushes grew up, over, and around the statues…it was fascinating and beautiful.

I was driving, and although I was fearful of the steep road (and worried another car would come down the hill and force us off the road or hit us), I couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty all around us as we made the trip. We eventually made it to the top of the street and up the hill, although at one point I had to stop, put the small car in reverse (it was as small as a Mini Cooper — reminded me of a European car), and carefully back it down the road a bit (not sure why). But eventually we continued our trek up the hilly road.

Once we arrived, there was a beautiful stone mansion with majestic pillars on the outside. The place had an astonishing view. We got out, but from there I don’t remember much after that.

The prevailing memory from the dream was the amazing beauty of the foliage and how the statues were cleverly placed along the side of the road, seemingly peeking out from behind leaves and trees as if they were alive and not merely made of stone. There was an impish, playful nature about the whole thing. Like the statues were alive, but shy and hiding. Like…I don’t know…guardians? I don’t know how else to capture the feel of it.

A strange, yet wonderful dream. I needed the respite from the nightmares I’ve been having lately.

[Article] 5 Reasons to Check into a Person’s Online Reputation Before Entering a Business Relationship

One of my newest published articles. Please go check it out:

http://alewebsocial.com/2013/07/22/5-reasons-to-check-into-a-persons-online-reputation-before-entering-a-business-relationship/

[Quote] Seth Godin on failure and perfection

“Everyone has failed, everyone has misspoken, everyone has meant well but done the wrong thing. Your favorite restaurants, cafes and books have all gotten a one-star review along the way. No brand is perfect, no individual can pretend to be either. Perfect can’t possibly be the goal, we’re left with generous, important and human instead.”

—Seth Godin

A creative offers up thanks

This week I’ve been humbled by many people who’ve encouraged and supported my creative endeavors, whether it be writing, editing, creative coaching or online course instruction. It’s amazing and humbling. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Truly, my gratitude knows no bounds.

The creative journey is often a solitary and lonely journey. It’s not an easy one, and the world works against it in so many ways. Some people don’t see it as “real work,” but it most assuredly is. If it was easy, don’t you think everyone would be doing it? But they’re not.

Think of all the products, services and entertainment you wouldn’t have without the creative work of artists, writers, musicians and others who put blood, sweat and soul into contributing to those things and bringing them to life so you may enjoy and learn from them.

Creativity enhances life and exists for the betterment of us as human beings; it speaks to the very depths of our souls and makes our hearts sing. And creativity is not “pie in the sky,” flimsy-whimsy stuff that doesn’t apply to real life. All you see, hear, touch and experience began from a creative spark in some way — even if it’s a product that ultimately landed in the buttoned-down financial offices on Wall Street. Someone has to write those boring technical or procedural manuals for corporations everywhere, right? Business and creativity DO mix and creativity IS essential for innovation, change and improvement, regardless of the industry.

Creativity expresses itself in a myriad of ways, and in a variety of settings. Please encourage and support (in whatever way you can) the creative workers you may know in your own life — especially independent artisans (Etsy and beyond!) of all types. They will be grateful to you (boy, will they!), and you will be doing a fabulous thing for the world in general.

As a freelance writer and editor who has been earning a living from my words and ideas for 16 years (and most freelancers fail after a couple of years, according to most statistics), I humbly offer my appreciation to you.

There are plenty of negative and horrible things that happen in this world, but there are also many amazing and wonderful people and things that happen in this world. This past week has reminded us that Paul and I know many amazing people, and we are incredibly blessed because of it.

Thank you!