Finally — my journey toward a hypothyroidism diagnosis

Well, well, well…it seems I may have found the right person to consult for hypothyroidism treatment. The general practitioner who didn’t seem to give a whit about it in fall of last year and dismissed my concerns WAS wrong and it turns out I SHOULD be on medication. I have EVERY single one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism. I *knew* there was something wrong all along. Pays to do research and ask questions. Just goes to show YOU know your body better than strangers do.
I’m anxious to get started on the journey to wellness. For all those well-meaning (?) people who gave me shit about never being able to lose enough weight in my life (to make THEM feel better about themselves, I suppose), you can SUCK it. Turns out there was a REASON why I could never reach *your* Holy Grail of perfection. My body was working against me!
I remember being 135 lbs when I was a teenager and being told I was still too fat, and then having a lecture about everything on my plate. It was humiliating.
There was also a time when a friend decided to bring up the subject one day at an eating establishment and started loudly discussing it, flat-out putting me on the spot. I was mortified and my husband was furious. We couldn’t believe someone could lack that much tact. Great that YOU weigh 115, but I don’t and haven’t for a long time. And guess what? There was a reason. I never forgot that moment, either.
Am I sensitive over this issue? Yes, I am. Because I get pissed when people ASSUME things about you, your body, and your life without knowing what they’re talking about.
The only people who get to say anything about my big boobs, big ass, or extra padding is ME or my husband — and my husband LIKES women who have more padding, thanks very much.
Anyway, just a rant here. My advice is to keep your mouth shut in such circumstances. A lot of women — and some men — have a hard time doing that, unfortunately.
Sorry this turned into a vent, but it’s been a long time coming. And yes, I feel better now that I’ve gotten it off my chest.
My worth comes from what’s INSIDE me, and not how attractive or unattractive YOU think I am. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. You may be pretty or handsome on the outside, but you also have work to do on the inside just like the rest of us.
If you have issues with me or this post, you can privately message me with your concerns. Comments will be moderated and rude or snarky ones will be deleted without a reply.

Methinks Anna Wintour has the right idea

I totally dig Anna Wintour, the longtime editor of Vogue. Many call her cold and bitchy, but she is focused, decisive, confident, intelligent, erudite, and doesn’t suffer fools. She gets shit done and god help you if you stand in her way. There’s a reason why her nickname is Nuclear Wintour, after all.
You may not like her or her way of doing things, but my life would be much easier if I was more like her. At the very least, I would be more adept at handling scheming people and I wouldn’t suffer through their lying, bullshit, or tomfoolery. I also wouldn’t have allowed them to take advantage of me as much as I have in this life. I am often too soft in situations when I should be firm, and I must rectify that. Use more of my head and less of my heart when the circumstances call for it.
Trust is earned, not automatically given to just anyone who crosses your path. Sociopaths hope you will blindly trust. Their victims usually learn the lesson not to trust freely far too late. This is how I view things right now.
I’m not asking for anyone’s agreement, because I will do what works best for me and my family first and foremost. My greatest error has been to accept what everyone else says as truth. It’s not always the case.
Discernment is essential.

Finished it: Social Psychology Network (SPN) member profile

Still tweaking this, but I’m officially a member of the Social Psychology Network (SPN). My current professor at Wesleyan, Scott Plous, is the executive director. The link to my profile is below. If you get a moment, trot over and check it out. Again, I’m still revising and adding to it, but it’s probably 95% complete. For some reason, the site’s not letting me upload a profile photo, but I’ll e-mail SPN to see if they can remedy that. Anyway, here’s a different side to me that includes my social psychology studies.

Member profile:

Sitting with (another) suicide

Found out some terrible news about an online friend. In fact, this person was on my LiveJournal friends’ list. I This person committed suicide, and that’s the second person I’ve known who has committed suicide in the past year. Still trying to digest this news. The weird part is that his brother is on my FB friends’ list and is also a former h.s. classmate of my husband’s. I knew about the suicide when it happened, and I was sad for his brother’s loss. It tugged at my heart and made a lump form in my throat. I couldn’t imagine losing one’s brother that way.

What I didn’t know — until yesterday — was that the person involved was also an LJ friend. You see, I knew his first name, but didn’t know his last name (or had forgotten it). I didn’t realize it was THAT person. We hadn’t exchanged any comments for some months on LJ because, well, I am not on here as often as I used to be. So the news hit me again as I realized this was a person I knew and had communicated with as well. This person was brilliant, funny, educated, and talented. The world has truly lost another amazing person. Once again, I wish I could rewind time, change history, stop what eventually happened (the suicide).

Tomorrow will be the one-year anniversary of my old friend Harold’s suicide. That one I’m still coping with…and will be for a while. Our parents knew each other and hung out together in the 80s. Harold and I flirted with each other and even made out a bit in 9th grade. I think we crushed on each other quite a bit, but were too shy to become full-blown boyfriend/girlfriend. We reconnected again and dated briefly before Paul and I got together in 2005.

I don’t know what else to say, which is odd for me. Just a lot in my head about all of this. It’s one of those things that I need to sit with, silently, and ponder.