Hi, everyone. I talked to Nate today, who was Lyn’s fiance. If any of you would like to send sympathy cards in the wake of Lyn’s sudden passing, here is the mailing address (*please note that the name of the town in the graphic is incorrect. The town is spelled ‘La Veta.’):

Nathan Juhala
PO Box 943
La Veta, CO 81055

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and wishes for Lyn’s family during this time of grief. There is no info on a service at this time, but when and if that is made public, I will post here.

On the passing of my friend, Lyn Goodnight

Our good friend Lyn Goodnight passed away unexpectedly this past weekend. She had gone to the doctor on Friday because she had severe stomach pains. Her blood pressure got really high and they admitted her to the hospital. Turns out she had a stomach blockage, which caused a rupture. She had internal bleeding and died.

Lyn and Nate were the ones who had us come out to Falcon, CO, and stay for a while in our RV earlier this year. I’ve known Lyn 15 years…I’m in shock.

Paul and I are still trying to process this news and I am devastated — especially concerned about her fiance, Nate, and her kids, who are in their 20s, and her granddaughter, who is only 4 years old. 😞

Lyn was more than a garden-variety friend to me. She was also my mentor and a lifesaver for me and the kids when my first husband, Gary, passed away unexpectedly in May 2001. Lyn was also my first High Priestess (HPS) and we were both in the same coven many years ago. I’d known her for 15 years.

This just doesn’t seem real…I’m so sad. What a loss.

Here is what I posted on her Facebook wall:
“Words cannot properly convey how your passing has affected me and Paul. We are still in shock and disbelief. You have returned to the stars, my friend, and you left many behind who love you and whose lives were enriched by your presence. Thank you for everything you did for me, Paul, and the kids in the time we knew you. Thanks for everything you taught me, both mundane and otherwise, since I met you 15 years ago. Your mentorship and wise council had a large impact on my life. Rest in peace, Lyn/Butterflye.”

Life is hard, but you’re NOT alone!

Not asleep yet. So many emotions. Third friend/classmate in three years who’s taken his own life. Troubled. I’m so troubled. Full of sadness and frustration.

Life is hard. It’s so freaking hard! I know this because the past four years have been HELL for us in this family. There are times when I haven’t wanted to get out of bed or even wake up the next day and face another day of b.s. and soul-crushing challenges. But nobody ever promised me that life would be easy, and although it’s rough terrain, I have no idea what awaits me over the next mountain pass (so to speak) and I’m not giving up on this journey until I see what the next roadside attraction is.

I don’t know what YOUR b.s. and soul-crushing challenges are, but every day IS another day…and all cycles end. Nothing stays the same forever. Some cycles are longer than others. Some cycles feel like an eternity (believe me, I’m in the middle of one of them!) I just know that, although it doesn’t seem like it right now, you CAN make it and you CAN get past these things you’re dealing with.

Please, please listen to me: I can’t do much, but if you are having a hard time and you need to talk to someone — if you’re to the point of NO RETURN — please get in touch with me or at least talk to someone…please reach out…please don’t cross that line of no return. Okay? Please do this for me, friend? Here is a number you should write down and put where you have it at all times. Memorize it or do whatever…just USE it, if need be:

1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Life can be dark, painful, disturbing, and any number of other things. But think of life as a book full of chapters, full of pages, full of plot twists. You are the author. You are writing this book. You can’t control everything, but you can control your part and how you react or act upon things.

Look, I can be blunt at times and come off as an a-hole at other times, but deep inside, I’m really not. You matter. You freaking matter, okay? Believe it. Know it. We have more laughs to share here…and if I haven’t offended you yet, then you HAVE to stick around, ’cause I’m trying! *smile* Plus I have more dirty jokes to post and crazy stuff to share.

In all seriousness, you’re gonna be okay. You got this. Promise. And if you need to lean on others to find your strength again, then take my hand…and someone else’s…and someone else’s beyond that. It’s okay if you feel fragile, weak, worn out. You’re human. We all are. And until you can find the strength to support yourself and stand strong again, there are those of us out there who will help you stand.

Reach out…my hand is waiting.

Sitting with (another) suicide

Found out some terrible news about an online friend. In fact, this person was on my LiveJournal friends’ list. I This person committed suicide, and that’s the second person I’ve known who has committed suicide in the past year. Still trying to digest this news. The weird part is that his brother is on my FB friends’ list and is also a former h.s. classmate of my husband’s. I knew about the suicide when it happened, and I was sad for his brother’s loss. It tugged at my heart and made a lump form in my throat. I couldn’t imagine losing one’s brother that way.

What I didn’t know — until yesterday — was that the person involved was also an LJ friend. You see, I knew his first name, but didn’t know his last name (or had forgotten it). I didn’t realize it was THAT person. We hadn’t exchanged any comments for some months on LJ because, well, I am not on here as often as I used to be. So the news hit me again as I realized this was a person I knew and had communicated with as well. This person was brilliant, funny, educated, and talented. The world has truly lost another amazing person. Once again, I wish I could rewind time, change history, stop what eventually happened (the suicide).

Tomorrow will be the one-year anniversary of my old friend Harold’s suicide. That one I’m still coping with…and will be for a while. Our parents knew each other and hung out together in the 80s. Harold and I flirted with each other and even made out a bit in 9th grade. I think we crushed on each other quite a bit, but were too shy to become full-blown boyfriend/girlfriend. We reconnected again and dated briefly before Paul and I got together in 2005.

I don’t know what else to say, which is odd for me. Just a lot in my head about all of this. It’s one of those things that I need to sit with, silently, and ponder.

Grist for the writing mill: My Buddhist temple/pagoda dream

The other night I had an interesting dream that involved a longtime friend and former classmate of mine, Cyndy C. I’ve already shared it with her, and now I’m posting it here so I can tag it for future reference should I need it. 

Essentially, we were tooling around Colorado Springs in a small car — like a Mini Cooper — and having lots of fun hanging out and seeing all sorts of stuff, including having lunch. We left lunch and got in the car, saw a HUGE pagoda-like building, drove up the steps (!) and parked right at the entrance. Nobody said anything to us about parking there. We got out of the car and went straight inside.

It was an open building — no doors — and it was a massive combination Zen Buddhist temple and marketplace selling incense, mini altar statues, Buddhas, incense burners, altar supplies and the like. We walked around, checking out the wares. We spoke with various Buddhist monks who were wandering around, greeting people who were visiting. It was exceptionally pleasant.

We were up on the massive top floor. The pagoda-like structure had a red brick-colored roof (not made of bricks, but of red ceramic tile) and there was an odd sea-foamish green color used throughout the structure — very brushed, worn and old. The pillars of the building were painted with the red brick color, too.

We were checking out the layout of the main floor at the top when we noticed there were holes, or shafts, that led to the bottom. It appeared there was some kind of machinery down inside of them. I remember looking down into one of the shafts and asking what it was and what was I was seeing in there.

A monk told us the entire building was built on top of a large, old ship (which was the same sea-foam green — worn and with the paint rubbed off the ship’s steel hull). He said it was to honor the Zen Buddhist monks who had been on the ship when it wrecked and sank. So what we were seeing when we looked down those rectangular holes/shafts were the remains of the ship, which was what the temple was built upon. Essentially, it was an altar of remembrance to those monks who had perished in the ship accident!

That’s how the dream ended…but Cyndy and I were both fascinated by the story the monks told us about the history of this place of worship. We loved the place in this dream. It was so peaceful and felt so homey. The energy was loving and accepting. Monks would freely come up to us and tell us about their history, worshipping rituals, legends and such. One monk came up to us with a large bundle of smoking incense (had to be like 50 sticks!) and it was smoking/burning. It was an incredibly enjoyable dream!

If you have any thoughts, ideas or interpretations of this dream, feel free to post in the comments. 🙂