Boy, I can relate!
“There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus ‘Leave me the fuck alone’ comes out as ‘Well, maybe. Sure. I guess I can see your point.'”
—David Sedaris, Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls
Paul ran to Walgreens a little while ago and there was a guy outside who’d apparently been thrown out of the house by his girlfriend. Paul heard the guy talking shit to his friend sitting in the car and saying he was gonna “kill that bitch” because he had to sleep out in the cold.
Of course, this is a primary example why Paul & I have kept more to ourselves over the years. Stuff like that — brutish, thuggish behavior — fills us with incredible anxiety and we just don’t wanna be out and about in the world around people like that. It seems society is getting meaner and more thuggish by the day. Almost as if anti-intellectualism and lack of education is worn as a badge of honor and is something to brag about.
In my view, if this is the way that guy is, then I’d say his girlfriend not only needs to kick his ass out of house, but out of her life as well. Why women get with these assholes is beyond me. Not a fan of the shit-talking, macho man type. Better to be single than be miserable with a jerk like that.
“Creativity demands nothing less than all you have. It means revealing murderous rage, the marksman behind the writing desk, the inner demons that confound us all. How can creativity be other than a terrifying force full of unexpected turnings? If you give your life to creativity, you give up forever the promise to be a good girl. Creativity will inevitably lead you to give away dark family secrets. It will lead you into the labyrinth to face the minotaur. You can’t face the minotaur and stay a good girl. You can’t look the minotaur in the eye and continue to silence the artist in yourself.”
—Erica Jong, Fear of Fifty
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Happiness is getting an unexpected $25 Amazon gift card from a company I’ve worked with over this past year with a note that reads, “Thanks for your terrific work in 2013—enjoy a good book from us! Happy Holidays!”
Always nice to be appreciated for your freelance work 😉
Random factoid: Hate needles with a passion, but used to give blood on a regular basis (need to start doing that again). The drive to do a good deed for others—maybe even save a life—outweighs my fear. My blood type is O-positive, the most common type. My blood is also in demand because I’m CMV Negative, which means my system has NOT been exposed to the Cyto-Megalo-Virus which most adults (50 to 80 percent) have been exposed to at some time of their lives. CMV Negative blood is used with AIDS and cancer patients, as well as babies or people who have compromised immune systems. Kind of cool, and yet another reason to start donating again! http://blog.inceptsaves.com/blog/2011/05/04/what-does-it-mean-to-have-cmv-negative-blood/
Seth Godin: “Isaac Asimov wrote more than 400 books, on a manual typewriter, with no access to modern productivity tools. I find it hard to imagine they would have helped him write 400 more.
Sure, habits matter. So does getting out of your way. But if you want to hide, really want to hide, you’ll find a way.
The instinct to produce great work doesn’t require a fancy notebook.”
Today I turn 49, and I have a different sort of announcement to make. I’m excited about it, and Paul is completely supportive as well. In short, I am embarking on the path of becoming a demonologist. Yes, a path of study and research I have already touched upon before and considered for a long time; however, I never voiced it to anyone (not even Paul).
The path is a natural one for me, given the experiences in my life with studying various religions, pursuing a minor in philosophy (with particular emphases on religion and the philosophy of death/dying), and a long history with the paranormal (both the study of it as well of the investigation of claims).
If you’ve been on my FB page for a while, you already know that, although I was raised Presbyterian and my adopted dad was originally Mormon, I’ve been pagan for 30 years and have been pagan clergy for over ten years now. In the past, I have acted as a High Priestess and performed numerous rituals. I’ve also been an avid practitioner of various forms of divination most of my life, casting my first astrological horoscope at a young age and progressing into studying numerology, cartomancy, graphology, palmistry, tarot card readings, and runes, among others. I’ve always harbored odd fascinations and was, undoubtedly, a weird kid. Needless to say, I have grown into a stranger adult! But I’m okay with it. This is who I am.
Ironically, although Paul was raised Catholic and I wasn’t, he often jokes that I’m more Catholic at the core than he is because my inherent guilt often eclipses his. I also enjoy watching Latin Mass on the Catholic Channel. I find Latin an enchanting and magickal language. Also, as mentioned before, I enjoy rituals, and many pagans who are drawn to Wicca start out as Catholics. I’m not Wiccan, but I USED to be. Perhaps I was Catholic in a previous life. One never knows!
But, I digress…
When I was seven years old, I wanted to be a nun—how’s that for a surprise?! When my daughter was about three years old, she matter-of-factly informed me that she had been a nun in her previous life and had died in a fire. This girl had never been to church, had never been around nuns, and did not grow up in a religious household, mind you.
Paul will also tell you I have a longtime, odd fascination with nuns. All very strange for a veteran pagan who loves rituals, finds the Catholic church interesting, is drawn to the architecture of Catholic churches, has a Mother Mary figurine to the left of her computer (a nod to the Divine Feminine), but gets livid over how human involvement in organized religion has caused it to be used as a tool for violence, and other such perversions and crimes against human beings. If you want to screw up a belief system, hand it over to human beings so they can use it for THEIR selfish, myopic purposes, and not for Divinity. This is one of the reasons why I have issues with organized religion, first and foremost.
You also may know Paul and I have been team leads for a paranormal investigation team for eight years now. If you’ve been reading closely over the past couple years in particular, you will have noticed that I’ve mentioned that, since the age of about ten, I’ve been fascinated with occult subjects—exorcism in particular (yes, at such a young age I was reading about such things; I’m glad my mom didn’t hinder me from reading about things I was curious about).
It’s possible you’ll also recall my dream from a while back where I saw the word “Abraxas” written out in heavy, black script. Until I saw the word written out in my dream, I had no idea what it meant. Needless to say, I was taken aback when I researched the term. It depends on the source, but Abraxas has been referred to as both a god and a demon. The info on Abraxas is extensive, if you ever read up on it. The dream has puzzled me for a while, but it also inspired me to explore the history behind it as well.
In essence, here is my main point: I’m finally ready to reveal to all of you where this has been headed, and how I plan to combine my ongoing studies in psychology and spirituality with a special emphasis on demonology. It makes perfect sense to me, given my extensive history with the paranormal and occult. Rather than a sole framework of the Judeo-Christian belief system, I will be approaching my demonology studies from a more expansive vantage point, gathering information from all cultures and time periods (as well as analyzing famous case studies). I will not limit my approach to one theology, as I feel that would do the subject an injustice. It’s important to delve into this intense subject through a wide-angle lens, if you will.
So, there you go. A long explanation, but it’s a big decision for me and this is how I want to share it. Sometimes when you’re drawn in a specific direction, you have to honor it, which is what I’m doing. It’s not a decision you make lightly or without a tremendous amount of thought. I have mulled this over for quite some time. This path requires studying psychology (which I’m already doing, and have done for years), theology, mythology, folkloristics (yes, it’s a real term), and science—yes, science.
Instead of simply dropping a quick sentence like, “Hey, I’ve decided to become a demonologist,” I figured there needed to be more of a discussion. This is a good way to address the reasoning behind my decision upfront. Mind you, you may approve or disapprove, but neither will affect my decision. I’m simply letting you know that, should you see me post interesting bits of historical info or thoughts, there will be a reason why. If this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, I’m giving you a heads-up so you can unsub or ignore those posts. What you decide to do is up to you, of course.
Now that I have that out of the way, thanks in advance for reading this announcement, and for your support! Back to our regularly scheduled program.
Why I’m never sure if I’ll do NaNoWriMo from year to year: I’m a working writer and editor who works for multiple clients. That means I write and edit to support my family (and have for the past 16 1/2 years). Over an average month, I pump out about 2,000 words or more a day (or 60,000 per month, on average, if you count 30 days in a usual month).
In addition to my paying contract work, I also write my OWN stuff, from blogs and journals to books I’m already fiddling with, plus anything else in between…which means even MORE words ON TOP of what I already write for contract jobs.
When NaNoWriMo rolls around, if I attempt to write 50k words ON TOP of what I already write on an average month…well, that’s a lot of writing. And I love writing (which is why I do it), but you can clearly understand why 50k in a month isn’t a big deal for me. I’m already surpassing that just by the words I am writing to begin with…so NaNoWriMo is, for me, an even bigger challenge because it’s that many words over and above everything else I’ve got going on.
What I’m saying is this: you CAN write 50k a month with NO PROBLEM if you just take it as a day-to-day adventure. If you’re not concentrating on, “OMG, I have to write 50k a month!” and, instead, think of it in terms of X number of pages per day or X number of words in a day, it becomes much easier.
And yes, I’ve decided to do NaNoWriMo in addition to my usual writing and editing commitments. Because, you know, I DO love any excuse to write! *smile*
YOU can do it, too. ADD me on NaNoWriMo. I’m listed as elementalmuse under the participant profiles: http://nanowrimo.org/participants/elementalmuse
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